A podcast about guilt, caregiving, forgiveness…and discovering that sometimes surviving your family is the beginning of finding yourself.
WELCOME
I didn’t kill my mother.
But for years…
I believed I had.
This is the true story of what really happened.
Episode 01 : HOW I KILLED MY MOTHER
Told with humor, candor, and an occasional trip into the spiritual and unexplained, How I Killed My Mother explores what it means to forgive a parent, forgive yourself, survive grief, and discover that our memories of the people who raised us aren’t always the whole story.
This episode introduces the story and the journey ahead.
Start here. Then listen to Episode 2 through 24 of How I Killed My Mother.
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Let’s not lose touch.
One of the strange things about getting older is realizing how many people have passed through your life.
Friends. Family. Coworkers. Clients. Neighbors.
People you laughed with, cried with, worked with, got into trouble with—and people you simply assumed would always be around.
Then life happens. People move. We move. Years go by.
And suddenly you realize you haven’t spoken to someone you once cared about in five years. Or ten. Or twenty.
So if this podcast puts me in touch with you, I’m glad I made it.
If you’d like to stay there, leave your email below.
I’ll occasionally send you something about the podcast, my writing, what I’m working on next, or whatever strange turn my life takes from here.
No daily emails. No nonsense.
HOW I KILLED MY MOTHER is a deeply personal memoir podcast from writer and storyteller Jon-David, author of Mafia Hairdresser and The Glow Stick Gods. How I Killed My Mother is about mothers and sons, complicated family relationships, guilt, grief, forgiveness, and what happens when we finally confront the stories we’ve spent a lifetime telling ourselves.
Despite the title, this isn’t a murder podcast.
It’s the story of a son who spent years believing he was somehow responsible for his mother’s death—and the unexpected journey that followed as he began looking back at their life together, his childhood, her choices, his choices, and the complicated love between them.
Do You Need an Apology to Forgive Someone? | Jon-David
I thought my mother needed to apologize before we could fix our relationship. It took me years to understand that I was giving her control over something I could change myself.For approximately eight years, my mother and I were engaged in a cold war. There were...
Would My Mother Have Chosen Me If She Knew I Was Gay?
My mother once wanted me to be straight. Years later, I asked myself a much more frightening question: If she’d known I would be gay before I was born, would she have chosen me at all?In 1997, I was living alone in Chicago with my dog, Daughter. Yes. My dog’s name was...
Why Forgiving Yourself Can Be Harder Than Forgiving Others
Forgiving my mother turned out to be easier than forgiving the younger version of myself who fought with her. I didn’t discover that until she was gone.I spent a substantial portion of my younger life blaming my mother. Then I spent another portion forgiving her. I...
I Lied About My Age for Decades. Here’s What It Taught Me
For years, I was eleven years younger than I actually was. Not emotionally. Legally. I had the driver’s license to prove it.I have always believed age is somewhat negotiable. Apparently, at one point, I believed it was legally negotiable. There was a period of my life...
How the Words You Repeat Shape Your Life | Jon-David
My mother spent her life saying three things she never wanted to happen to her. I’ve spent years wondering whether the words we repeat eventually become instructions.My mother had a few things she said over and over throughout her life. Not occasionally. Not once at...
