Episode 00: Trailer

How I Killed My Mother is a deeply personal memoir podcast from writer and storyteller Jon-David, author of Mafia Hairdresser and The Glow Stick Gods.

How I Killed My Mother is about mothers and sons, complicated family relationships, guilt, grief, forgiveness, and what happens when we finally confront the stories we’ve spent a lifetime telling ourselves.

Start here. Then listen to Episode 01 of How I Killed My Mother.

Episode 01: Suicide Note

Suicide, Depression, and Starting Over | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

What if the lowest point in your life became the beginning of your greatest personal transformation?

This episode explores themes of:

• Suicide awareness and hope
• Mother-son relationships
• Personal growth and self-discovery
• Spirituality and healing
• Finding purpose after life’s hardest moments

Episode 03: Bubble Boy

Growing Up with Illness, Family, and the Quiet Ways We Learn Love | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

Every family has a story that shapes everyone in the house. In mine, it was my younger brother’s fight to survive.

In this episode of How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David shares humorous, heartfelt, and deeply honest memories of growing up with a brother whose severe allergies and asthma dominated family life. While his mother devoted much of her attention to keeping one son alive, this cultivate an ego that would eventually carry J-D into one extraordinary adventure after another.

Episode 04: All About Me

Confidence, Charm, and the Making of the Mafia Hairdresser | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

Was I born this confident… or did my parents accidentally create me?

Jon-David turns the spotlight on himself and explores the personality traits that would eventually lead him through an extraordinary life.

This episode is about understanding the strengths, flaws, and personality traits that carried Jon-David into remarkable adventures, spectacular mistakes, and a life that rarely followed the expected path.

Episode 06: The Village People

Fake IDs, Studio One, and Dancing Toward the Life I Imagined | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

Sometimes the biggest lie we tell is the one that allows us to discover who we really are.

In this episode Jon-David recounts one of the most unbelievable chapters of his youth. What began as teenage curiosity soon became something much more meaningful. Surrounded by music, celebrities, dancers, and eventually members of The Village People.

“The fake ID got me through the front door. Believing I belonged there changed the rest of my life.” –  Jon-David

Episode 07: Chuck

Falling in Love, Coming Out, and the Secret That Changed Everything | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

“The greatest risk I ever took wasn’t falling in love. It was hiding it.”— Jon-David

Sometimes the greatest love of your life arrives disguised as the friend you’ve known all along.

Jon-David tells the unforgettable story of Chuck—the brilliant, kind-hearted young man who unexpectedly became his first great love. What begins as an awkward birthday surprise blossomed into an 8-year relationship that would forever change the course of Jon-David’s life.

Episode 09 : How to Un-Gay Your Gay

The Broken Promise That Changed Everything | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

The psychologist said I was healthy.

My mother said he was wrong.

In one of the most powerful and emotionally devastating episodes of How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David recounts the day he believed his family would finally begin to heal. After months of counseling, the psychologist confirms what Jon-David had always known—that he is a healthy young gay man in a loving relationship.

“The hardest thing my mother ever broke wasn’t my heart. It was my trust.”— Jon-David

Episode 10 : The Lying Years

The Lie That Saved Me—and Changed Me Forever | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

In this profoundly honest episode of How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David reflects on one of the most defining decisions of his life. Faced with the terrifying possibility of conversion therapy and determined to protect the relationship he shared with Chuck, he makes a choice that seems necessary at the time: he convinces his parents that he is no longer gay.

The plan works. Then everything comes crashing down.

Does every lie have a price? 

Episode 12: The Mafia Hairdresser Days

Hollywood, Organized Crime, and the Success That Couldn’t Heal Me | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

In one of the most unbelievable chapters of How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David shares the true story that eventually inspired his novel and podcast series Mafia Hairdresser. What begins as an exciting opportunity to style the hair of wealthy private clients soon draws him into a hidden world of Hollywood excess, organized crime, celebrity culture, and dangerous secrets far beyond anything he imagined.

 This is a true account of Hollywood in the 1980s.

Episode 13: Daughter

The Little Dog Who Taught Me How to Say Goodbye | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

Sometimes our greatest teachers walk on four legs.

Daughter—the extraordinary little rescue dog who unexpectedly became Jon-David’s closest companion, greatest comfort, and one of the most important relationships of his life.

“She wasn’t just my dog. She was my first lesson in loving someone enough to let them go.”— Jon-David

Episode 15: Therapy

The Therapy Session That Changed My Mother Without Her Ever Being There | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

After years of conflict, resentment, and emotional distance, Jon-David reaches a breaking point. Convinced his relationship with his mother cannot survive without professional help, he issues an ultimatum: family counseling—or no more holidays, birthdays, or family gatherings.

His mother refuses but his father says yes.

What follows becomes one of the most transformative experiences of Jon-David’s life.

Episode 16: The Blog

The Blog That Recorded the Beginning of Goodbye | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

“I thought I was writing about turning fifty. I was really preserving my mother’s final chapter before either of us knew it had begun.”— Jon-David

Sometimes we don’t realize we’re documenting the beginning of the end until years later.

In this deeply reflective episode of How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David looks back on an unexpected project that would become one of the most important records of his life—a daily online journal called 50 Days of 50, written as he approached his fiftieth birthday.

Episode 18: A Mother’s Patience

Living with Guilt, Finding Grace, and the Patience of a Mother’s Love | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

What if the hardest person to forgive isn’t someone else—but yourself?

In this deeply reflective episode of How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David begins exploring the emotional aftermath of his mother’s passing. After finally sharing the story behind the title of the memoir, he now confronts the question that remained long after the funeral was over: How do you live with grief, guilt, and the belief that you may have helped someone you loved die?

Themes of grief and learning to live after loss.

Episode 19: Hot Jesus

My Mother’s Perfect Eulogy Was Written Fifty-Five Years Before She Died | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

What follows becomes one of the most unforgettable moments of Jon-David’s life.

Standing before family and lifelong friends, he realizes he doesn’t need to write a eulogy at all.

His mother already had.

Blending outrageous humor with profound tenderness, this chapter reminds us that the people we love often continue guiding us long after they’re gone—and sometimes they leave exactly what we need, waiting to be found at precisely the right moment.

Episode 21: Something Was Wrong

Looking for a Diagnosis… and Finding Myself Instead | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

What if the biggest mystery of your life isn’t what happened to you—but who you became because of it?

In one of the most revealing and self-reflective episodes of How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David turns the spotlight away from his mother and onto himself. After spending a lifetime examining family relationships, heartbreak, success, failure, and forgiveness, he begins asking a more uncomfortable question:

“Was something wrong with me?” 

Episode 22: The Inked Medium

The Psychic Medium Who Gave My Mother One More Conversation | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

Can love continue a conversation after death?

In one of the memoir’s most extraordinary and uplifting chapters, Jon-David shares the remarkable story of meeting psychic medium Gina Versace-Fiore—known to many as The Inked Medium.

Whether you believe in psychic mediums, spiritual communication, synchronicity, or simply the healing power of hope, this chapter isn’t about convincing you of any one belief. It’s about exploring the possibility that love has more ways of reaching us than we sometimes imagine.

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning” – Winston Curchill

Episode 24: The End

Every Ending Is the Beginning of Something Better | How I Killed My Mother Podcast

In the moving conclusion to How I Killed My Mother, Jon-David reflects on the extraordinary journey that began as a few stories about his mother and unexpectedly became a profound exploration of forgiveness, spirituality, family, resilience, and personal transformation.

Rather than offering easy answers about life, death, or the afterlife, Jon-David leaves listeners with something far more hopeful: the belief that growth is always possible, healing never truly ends, and the people we love continue shaping our lives in ways both seen and unseen.

This episode also serves as a bridge to the next chapter of Jon-David’s journey: Saving the Father, an upcoming memoir podcast about caregiving, Parkinson’s disease, family, spirituality, and finding purpose through one of life’s greatest challenges.